Blueberry Peace Farm: July 2011

Tips for Talking
Marriage Communication

Communicating effectively takes practice and a great deal of effort. Without communication, it is nearly impossible to resolve conflicts or grow your partnership. Whether you are in a troubled marriage, simply seeing the value of a "tune-up", or seeking marriage help, here are some useful tips for communicating effectively within a marriage.

Realize that no one "wins" an argument. If you don't leave a discussion with a possible solution to the problem, then neither party has been successful.

Compromise is an essential tool to solving problems through communication. Before bringing up a problem, make sure you have thought of ways that you can help solve it by mutual compromise.

Try to be positive when bringing up sensitive marital problems. Instead of jumping right into a discussion, open by acknowledging that every partnership could be improved and you'd like to take some time and discuss the things that are working in your relationship and the areas that could use improvement. It helps to start by talking about positive things and then moving into the deeper discussion on problem areas.

Be a "reflective" listener and make sure you understand what your partner has said. "What I hear you saying is..." is a great way to make sure the proper message has been received.

Feel free to use the "time out" card if the discussion gets too intense. If an argument gets heated and irrational, it is better to postpone the discussion to a time and place where effective communication can happen.

Make sure your body language, facial expressions and vocal tone are in line with your message. One study showed that 55% of the emotional meaning of what you say is expressed by your facial expression. While only 7% of the emotional meaning is verbal.

Be honest, direct and focus on the real issue. If you enter a conversation insecure about making your point -- you probably won't make it.

If you can't come up with a definitive solution, at least try to end the conversation on a positive note like "I think it's good we've both shared our feelings and we'll continue to talk about it and try to come up with a better solution."

Don't ever be rude or talk down to your partner in a discussion about your relationship. Don't dismiss an idea or thought as absurd, but instead listen to your partner's point and then react with the reasons you disagree in a respectful manner.

Stay on track. If you sit down to talk about a financial problem and suddenly other emotional issues are coming up, realize that you may need to focus on one area at a time in order to create solutions instead of mere bickering.

Recognize when you need outside help to communicate effectively. A counselor or marriage retreat may help solve what seems to be an impossible communication problem.

That argument you had before work about who was responsible for buying new milk probably isn't the best example of effective communication. All partners "talk" to each other, but very few really use communication as a tool to build and revitalize their marriage. Here are some tips to help you move from "gabbing" to really connecting through your conversations.

Don't be cryptic because you are afraid to bring up the real issue. If you enter a conversation insecure about making your point -- you probably won't make it.

Remember, effective communication sometimes takes a great deal of effort. When bringing up sensitive issues or important discussion matters, make sure you assess all factors of communication -- especially your environment. Choose a time, place and atmosphere where stress and distractions are low so your conversation has more impact. And never be afraid to utilize the help of a counselor, therapist or marriage retreat to help resolve issues and communicate more effectively.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Mornings!!! ::::::::::::

Morning "Pick-Me-Ups" for your Relationship

Mornings are infamous for not being pleasant. Too often it's the beginning of a busy day and just getting up and getting started becomes more important than paying attention to the people around you. But just as breakfast is one of the most important meals of the day, it is important to leave the house in the morning feeling connected to and appreciated by your partner. Here are some quick tips that can help your relationship start out on the right foot everyday:

Make a Routine:
In today's hectic world, sometimes you have to plan out the simplest of things. Arrange your morning routines so that there are ten or fifteen minutes that you can sit down and have a cup of coffee and discuss your upcoming day. Is anything important or exciting happening? Is there something you are nervous or anxious about? Understanding each other's mood and potential challenges or triumphs can help you better relate to your partner throughout the day and into the evening.

Break Routine:
Surprises can be good. You don't have to wait until a birthday or holiday to do something special for your partner. Spontaneously remind your significant other they are important and send them out the door with a smile. Make him or her a nice pancake breakfast with a whip cream smiley face. Have fresh flowers waiting on the breakfast table. Do a chore or errand they typically handle in the morning so they have a little extra free time. Be original and make your partner's morning great.

Write a Note:
Imagine your partner getting to work and opening their briefcase, already sighing at the growing workload, and, on top of the files and legal pads, they find a special note from you reiterating your affection and wishing the best for the day ahead. Never forget that the smallest gestures can have the biggest results.

Have the Last Word:
How many times have you remembered the ending of a movie or book but not much of the middle? Last impressions are critical. Make an effort to make sure the last words to your partner each morning are positive and encouraging. You can even try and think of one great thing about your relationship each morning and share this with your partner on the way out the door. Just a few words have the power to make a day start great or make it start bumpy - use your words the right way.

Follow Up:
The morning is the start of the day and a great time to begin communication, but don't forget to follow up later in the day. Your partner might be offended if you discussed an important meeting planned for that day but don't ask about it later. You must work to grow your relationship and support your partner morning, noon and night.

Mornings can be hectic and the best intentions can fall to the wayside, so make sure you take time to look at these tips and come up with your own ideas and plan their implementation to make sure your relationship wakes up on the right side of the bed.

in Our "backyard": http://www.inourownbackyard.us/

NAACP, 102 years old this week! lynn and i are rhe Only 2 "white", in ONE HUMAN FAMILY, Members of the NAACP here in Magee, and only ones to attend 100 yrs Banquet & Awards Cerimony @ the Magee City Center, which was not even mentioned in the "Local" newspaper! http://www.nccp.org/publications/pub_622.html http://www.nccp.org/topics/childpoverty.html

Census: U.S. Racial Wealth Gap Widest in Quarter Century

A new analysis of U.S. Census data shows the wealth gaps between whites and people of color have grown to their widest levels in a quarter-century. White Americans now have on average 20 times the net worth of African Americans and 18 times that of Latinos. The Pew Research Center has found the median wealth of white U.S. households in 2009 was about $113,000 compared with just over $6,300 for Hispanics and just under $5,700 for blacks. The white-black wealth gap is the widest since the census began tracking such data in 1984. Roderick Harrison, former chief of racial statistics at the Census Bureau, said, "I am afraid that this pushes us back to what the Kerner Commission characterized as 'two societies, separate and unequal.'" Latinos have been hit particularly hard by the recession. The median wealth of Latino households fell by 66 percent between 2005 and 2009. During that same period the median household wealth of whites dipped 16 percent.

Posted on Tue, Jul. 26, 2011

Commentary: America, behold your future
quote from below Kansas City article:
"I'll tell you what the true face of poverty is: It is a child.

A shamefully large number of those children are growing up in economically unstable homes. In this seemingly unending recession, the hardest-hit have been those who don't have college educations. Families that were subsisting one or two paychecks away from disaster have hit the wall. Every month, more join their ranks. That does not bode well for their ability to afford a college education for their children - or in a lot of cases, just to provide the stability it takes to graduate from high school.

Just who does Congress think America can count on to rebuild its economy and thrive in the future?

Too many Americans like to think the poor are "not our problem." They are dead wrong. They are our future.

Read more: http://www.kansascity.com/2011/07/26/3029488/commentary-america-behold-your.html#ixzz1TF2TQQOO"
>>>>>>>>>from the Kansas City Star:
http://www.kansascity.com/2011/07/26/v-print/3029488/commentary-america-behold-your.html