On Steps 4, 5, 6 and 7
From a 45 year old article on Going Through the Steps is a listing of 20 character defects we should ask ourselves about as we take our inventory. In Step 4 as we take a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, we must find out what we've got, what we need to get rid of, and what we need to acquire. The
"fearless" is not about how we feel, but about what we write,
thoroughly, rigorously honest. There are 20 character defects to ask about --
the individual wrongs we have done are not necessary to go over, just the defects that caused them. The inventory is of our defects,
not our incidents.
Going over the listing, we ask ourself have we honestly admitted our defects to ourself
as we write out on paper how they have manifested in our lives and created the unmanageability we have known.
Here are the defects:
- Resentment, Anger
- Fear, Cowardice
- Self pity
- Self justification
- Self importance, Egotism
- Self condemnation, Guilt
- Lying, Evasiveness, Dishonesty
- Impatience
- Hate
- False pride, Phoniness, Denial
- Jealousy
- Envy
- Laziness
- Procrastination
- Insincerity
- Negative Thinking
- Immoral thinking
- Perfectionism, Intolerance
- Criticizing, Loose Talk, Gossip
- Greed
Having admitted these defects to ourselves, having thoroughly inventoried them and written out how they have manifested and controlled our actions and reactions in life, we have completed Step 4.
Are we now willing to share them with another and with God? We must ask ourself if we are willing to go to any length to get rid of these same defects that caused our life to be unmanageable. Do we want to get rid of them, even those that were "fun"? Perhaps you will have some hesitancy sharing all this with another. I did. Not to worry, you haven't done anything that each of us hasn't done in one fashion or another. And you will hear someone in meetings tell your story, maybe not all of it, but a great portion of it.
(The way it was put to me, "Until someone in AA knows everything you know about yourself, you are nowhere. The result is nil until you tell it all and let go absolutely." So then I asked "How will I know when it is right for me to DO the 5th Step?" and his answer was just as blunt, "When you have to make a conscious decision between DOING the 5th Step or going out and getting drunk, that's when!")
In Step 5, we bring these things we have written out to the light of day, from out of the Shadows of Our Mind, by admitting them to another person, and the God of our understanding.. Having told someone else ALL our life story, we have completed Step 5. (Another Not To Worry -- Even if something of importance has been left out or missed, I can guarantee you "MORE SHALL BE REVEALED")
How can we ask God to get rid of the THINGS we did in our past? WE CAN'T!! He cannot remove things that have already happened. We can ask to get rid of the defects, which caused us to act in the manner we did by taking Step 6. (Steps 8 and 9 handle the restitution for things past, as WE set them right.)
Step 6 is the step that separates the men from the boys. If we can honestly say we are ENTIRELY ready (not almost, not just about, not partially) to have God remove ALL (not some) of these defects, even the ones that were fun, remembering that in step 3 we turned our will and our life over to God's care with complete abandon, then we have completed Step 6.
Step 7 asks us to come up with something we don't have, never had, and are unlikely to come up with anytime soon. But Step 7 is the beginning of acquiring it ... True Humility ... With a simple prayer to our Higher Power, as we ask that ALL our character defects which stand in the way of our usefullness to Him and our fellows be removed, we have completed step 7.
(For myself, I have had to repeat that prayer many, many times, sometimes moment by moment, as I have found that God does not remove a character defect if I am doing it... I have first had to stop from doing it, ask for His help to not do it, and then He removed the need for doing it. Same like with the need to drink, I had to stop first.)
And that is another story, the continuing saga of Steps 10, 11 and 12, as I remember that my spiritual awakening and continuing spiritual awareness is THE RESULT of working, DOING, and LIVING ALL of the 12 Steps! There is no message to carry unless I have done the first 9 Steps and am living the last three. I can't give what I don't have, even though I might want to. I must try to practice the principles of the Steps in ALL my affairs, every day, one day at a time. By that the message is given.
These are the Twelve Simple Principles by which one leads a truly Spiritual Life and completes the learning of the Lessons of Love.
Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love, Justice, Perseverance, Spirituality, and Service to One Another. (Those are the character assets we need to acquire.)
NONE of these are possible without the development of TRUST! And that I learned from you!!
After a person objected to the above, as it does not mention in the listing of 20 character defects of any character "assets", and they were looking for a "feel good" in their inventory of "their assets," I added the following ... after thinking about the people I have buried from alcoholism over the years ... and the many who have come whimpering back, time after time after time ... who were constantly looking for a "feel good", and who after looking at the "feel goods" in their inventory, decided "I am not that bad yet."
My sponsors and the BigBook informed me that I was bankrupt in every department, had no stock in trade, that all my
"best characteristics" had worked hand in hand with all of my "character defects", the combination of my
"best thinking", one excusing the other, to keep me out there and drunk.
They insisted that the inventory was not about making me feel good, it was about
deflating my ego in depth and making me determined to clean up my mess. They informed me,
"If we (meaning them)
find anything that is any good we will let you know!"
I went to a 70 year old dictionary and found this applicable definition of "taking inventory" -- "To make an appraisal, as of one's personal
characteristics and
liabilities, etc."
This definition is properly in context with the writing and understanding of Steps 4 and 5 in the BigBook in 1938 and 1939.
More On Steps 4, 5, 6 and 7
Yes, there is "some" good in the the worst of us, that is true. How many times has it been said, "He's a grand fellow when he is not drunk." But nowhere in these steps is there a search for character "assets." It is a search for the root causes of our drinking to escape our fears and insecurities, our
DEFECTS. 4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the
exact nature of our wrongs.
As we work at the fourth, the BigBook does mention that by this time we have begun to learn and demonstrate a few assets, Trust, Faith and Courage. We have begun to develop Self-Honesty, Tolerance of self and others, Patience and Good Will toward all men, and we have
commenced to outgrow fear.
The process of the steps is to dig out our character defects, and expose them, so that they can be eliminated, root and branch.
In the beginning paragraph of Chapter 6, Into Action,..
"We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects; we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out."
What is to be cast out??
Our Character DEFECTS, those things which we have inventoried and found.... (and more shall be revealed as we develop more assets, like rigorous self-honesty, self-esteem, acceptance of self and forgiveness.) The
BEST reason for being thorough in Steps 4 and 5 in our rooting out of our defects of character, bringing them to light and casting them out, to paraphrase the BigBook,
"If we skip these vital steps, we may not overcome drinking. More than likely we will drink again."
Or as my sponsors said,
"Until someone in AA knows everything you know about yourself, you are nowhere, bud."
Why? Because until
ALL our character
DEFECTS are uncovered and exposed in Steps 4 and 5, and cast out in Steps 6 and 7,
the old thought system still has a basis for return. That's Why!
The reason and need for Steps 6 and 7 is simple to understand, knowing our past failures (and the shame and guilt and fears of our failures) at trying all sorts of ways to correct our defects of character, things that we have already known were wrong, for years, in all the ways mentioned in Chapter 3, ad infinitum...
WE CAN'T DO IT ON OUR OWN, WE NEED HELP, and the HELP has to come from somewhere outside ourselves, from a POWER GREATER THAN OURSELF.
In Step 6, the step that "separates the men from the boys," we again demonstrate courage, willingness, trust in our Higher Power, and a few more assets that we have begun to develop, integrity, determination, consistency, and diligence as we
repeatedly apply Step 6 to
all our character defects -
without any reservation of mind or body whatsoever.
Step 7, in all its simplicity, with a simple prayer,
is in fact the completion of the decision made in Step 3, we have abandoned ourselves to our Higher Power. (At least for the time being. We have a lifetime ahead of us to learn to make the decision and leave it alone, instead of tinkering with it to make it fit our thinking.) We shall be remaking the decision and repeating the simple prayer many times as we trudge the Road to Happy Destiny.
As we trudge along, over the hills and valleys of life, we see that the practice of all the steps is a day at a time thing, and that the more we adhere to them and
LIVE THEM, the sweeter life gets.
How Sweet It Is!!!
194 Character Defects 1 Abusing Others for enjoyment
2 Action, failing to take
3 Aloof
4 Anger Anger 37, 66, 88, 108, 135
5 Antagonistic
6 Anxiety
7 Anxious, overly
8 Apathetic
9 Apologetic, overly
10 Appearances, preoccupied or obsessed with
11 Argumentative
12 Arrogance
13 Avarice
14 Avoiding confrontation
15 Beating yourself up
16 Beauty, obsession or preoccupation with
17 Bigotry
18 Blaming others for disease
19 Blaming self for disease
20 Boastful
21 Boundaries, not setting
22 Busybody
23 Cheating
24 Choosing easy prey, gossip
25 Choosing easy prey, physical
26 Closed-mindedness
27 Codependenc
28 Coldheartedness
29 Communication, avoiding
30 Communication, poor
31 Companions, seeking corrupt / lower
32 Compassion, lack of
33 Competitive, excessively
34 Complaining
35 Conceit
36 Condemning
37 Confrontation, avoiding
38 Controlling
39 Controlling Others
40 Cowardice
41 Critical
42 Crude
43 Deceptive, deceiving
44 Dependency, dependent
45 Dependent on parents
46 Destructive
47 Devious
48 Different, thinking you are
49 Disease, feeling responsible for/taking credit for
50 Disease, making excuses for
51 Disease, not accepting
52 Dishonesty
53 Dishonesty by omission
54 Disorganized
55 Egotistical
56 Envious
57 Exaggeration
58 Excess
59 Faith, lack of faith in God
60 Fanatical
61 Fantasizing
62 Favoritism, playing favorites
63 Fearful
64 Filthy-mindedness
65 Financially dependent on others
66 Financially insecure
67 Following through, failing to
68 Frustration
69 Gluttony
70 Gossiping
71 Greed
72 Guilt, about sexual fantasies
73 Guilt, excessive feelings of
74 Guilt, feeling guilty for things beyond control
75 Harsh
76 Hate
77 Hatred of others
78 Hatred of self
79 Health, irresponsibility with or neglect of
80 Help, refusing/not asking for
81 Hopelessness
82 Ignorance Ignorance 2, 20, 107
83 Ill wishes toward others
84 Immodesty
85 Impatience
86 Impulsive purchaser
87 Inadequacy, sense of
88 Incompassionate
89 Inconsiderate Inconsiderate 69, 82, 108, 125
90 Indecisive Indecision 86
91 Indifferent
92 Injustice
93 Insecure in your own skin
94 Insecure in sexuality
95 Insecurity, financial
96 Insensitivity
97 Insincerity Insincere 96
98 Intolerance Intolerance 50, 103, 120, 135, 160
99 Intolerance of sick people
100 Inventory, taking other’s
101 Irresponsibility
102 Irresponsibility, financial
103 Irresponsible
104 Isolating
105 Jealousy
106 Judgmental of others
107 Knowing it all
108 Laziness
110 Leering, crude toward Lewd
112 Lifestyles, not accepting others’
113 Love and friendship, refusal to accept
114 Lustful
115 Lying
116 Making excuses for disease
insecure
118 Manipulative
119 Measuring self against others
120 Meddling
121 Messy
122 Miserliness
123 Negative body image
124 Negative Thinking
125 Negatives, focusing on or magnifying
126 Neglectful
127 Opinionated
128 Opinions, not respecting others’
129 Overcompensating for projected wrongs
130 Overcompensating for weaknesses
131 Perfectionism
132 Pessimism
133 Physical appearance, obsession or preoccupation with
134 Physical health, neglect of
135 Playing God
136 Playing God with self
137 Positives, not looking at
138 Possessive
139 Preachy
140 Prejudice
141 Pride, False
142 Pride, Intellectual
143 Pride, Spiritual
144 Procrastination
145 Program, working other’s
146 Psychoanalysis of others
147 Reckless
148 Remorseful
149 Resentment
150 Revenge, vengefulness
151 Rude
152 Sarcastic
153 Secretive
154 Seeking attention
155 Seeking negative attention
156 Self Condemnation
157 Self Deprecating humor
158 Self Importance
159 Self Justification
160 Self Pity
161 Self reliance
162 Self Seeking
163 Self, putting self on pedestal
164 Self-absorbed
165 Self-centeredness Self-centeredness 14, 61, 62, 64, 111*, 124
166 Self-hatred
167 Self-indulgence
168 Selfishness Selfish 7, 21, 61, 67, 69, 82, 84, 86, 87
169 Self-loathing
170 Setting expectations
171 Sex, hidden
172 Sex, lack of appreciation for
173 Skeptical
174 Sloth
175 Stealing Stealing 68
176 Step on others to get to top
177 Stewardship of assets, poor
178 Suspicious
179 Thoughtless
180 Thrill-seeking
181 Uncharitableness
182 Uncleanness
183 Undependable
184 Undisciplined
185 Unfaithful
186 Ungrateful
187 Uniqueness, terminal
188 Unreliable
189 Untrustworthy
190 Valuing the opinion of a sick mind
191 Vengeful
192 Vulgar Immoral Thinking
193 Wasteful
194 Worry
