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96
Step Eleven
“Sought through prayer and meditation to im-
prove our conscious contact with God as we un-
derstood Him, praying only for knowledge of
His will for us and the power to carry that out.”
P
RAYER and meditation are our principal means of con-
scious contact with God.
We A.A.’s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions of
dealing with the realities of life, usually for the fi
rst time in
our lives, and strenuously trying to help the next alcoholic
who comes along. So it isn’t surprising that we often tend
to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not
really necessary. To be sure, we feel it is something that
might help us to meet an occasional emergency, but at fi
rst
many of us are apt to regard it as a somewhat mysteri-
ous skill of clergymen, from which we may hope to get a
secondhand benefi
t. Or perhaps we don’t believe in these
things at all.
To certain newcomers and to those one-time agnostics
who still cling to the A.A. group as their higher power,
claims for the power of prayer may, despite all the logic
and experience in proof of it, still be unconvincing or quite
objectionable. Those of us who once felt this way can cer-
tainly understand and sympathize. We well remember how
something deep inside us kept rebelling against the idea of
bowing before any God. Many of us had strong logic, too,
STEP ELEVEN
97
which “proved” there was no God whatever. What about
all the accidents, sickness, cruelty, and injustice in the
world? What about all those unhappy lives which were the
direct result of unfortunate birth and uncontrollable cir-
cumstances? Surely there could be no justice in this scheme
of things, and therefore no God at all.
Sometimes we took a slightly different tack. Sure, we
said to ourselves, the hen probably did come before the
egg. No doubt the universe had a “fi
rst cause” of some
sort, the God of the Atom, maybe, hot and cold by turns.
But certainly there wasn’t any evidence of a God who
knew or cared about human beings. We liked A.A. all
right, and were quick to say that it had done miracles. But
we recoiled from meditation and prayer as obstinately as
the scientist who refused to perform a certain experiment
lest it prove his pet theory wrong. Of course we fi
nally did
experiment, and when unexpected results followed, we felt
different; in fact we
knew
different; and so we were sold
on meditation and prayer. And that, we have found, can
happen to anybody who tries. It has been well said that
“almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never
tried it enough.”
Those of us who have come to make regular use of
prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse
air, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When we
refuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when we
turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive
our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally
needed support. As the body can fail its purpose for lack
of nourishment, so can the soul. We all need the light of
STEP ELEVEN
98
God’s reality, the nourishment of His strength, and the at-
mosphere of His grace. To an amazing extent the facts of
A.A. life confi
rm this ageless truth.
There is a direct linkage among self-examination, medi-
tation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can
bring much relief and benefi
t. But when they are logically
related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable founda-
tion for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse
of that ultimate reality which is God’s kingdom. And we
will be comforted and assured that our own destiny in that
realm will be secure for so long as we try, however falter-
ingly, to fi
nd and do the will of our own Creator.
As we have seen, self-searching is the means by which we
bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark
and negative side of our natures. It is a step in the develop-
ment of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us
to receive God’s help. Yet it is only a step. We will want to
go further.
We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst
of us, to fl
ower and to grow. Most certainly we shall need
bracing air and an abundance of food. But fi
rst of all we
shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark.
Meditation is our step out into the sun. How, then, shall
we meditate?
The actual experience of meditation and prayer across
the centuries is, of course, immense. The world’s libraries
and places of worship are a treasure trove for all seekers.
It is to be hoped that every A.A. who has a religious con-
nection which emphasizes meditation will return to the
practice of that devotion as never before. But what about
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99
the rest of us who, less fortunate, don’t even know how to
begin?
Well, we might start like this. First let’s look at a really
good prayer. We won’t have far to seek; the great men and
women of all religions have left us a wonderful supply.
Here let us consider one that is a classic.
Its author was a man who for several hundred years now
has been rated as a saint. We won’t be biased or scared
off by that fact, because although he was not an alcoholic
he did, like us, go through the emotional wringer. And as
he came out the other side of that painful experience, this
prayer was his expression of what he could then see, feel,
and wish to become:
“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace—that where
there is hatred, I may bring love—that where there is
wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness—that where
there is discord, I may bring harmony—that where there
is error, I may bring truth—that where there is doubt, I
may bring faith—that where there is despair, I may bring
hope—that where there are shadows, I may bring light—
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant
that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted—
to understand, than to be understood—to love, than to be
loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one fi
nds. It is by for-
giving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens
to Eternal Life. Amen.”
As beginners in meditation, we might now reread this
prayer several times very slowly, savoring every word and
trying to take in the deep meaning of each phrase and idea.
It will help if we can drop all resistance to what our friend
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100
says. For in meditation, debate has no place. We rest qui-
etly with the thoughts of someone who knows, so that we
may experience and learn.
As though lying upon a sunlit beach, let us relax and
breathe deeply of the spiritual atmosphere with which the
grace of this prayer surrounds us. Let us become willing
to partake and be strengthened and lifted up by the sheer
spiritual power, beauty, and love of which these magnifi
-
cent words are the carriers. Let us look now upon the sea
and ponder what its mystery is; and let us lift our eyes to the
far horizon, beyond which we shall seek all those wonders
still unseen.
“Shucks!” says somebody. “This is nonsense. It isn’t
practical.”
When such thoughts break in, we might recall, a little
ruefully, how much store we used to set by imagination as
it tried to create reality out of bottles. Yes, we reveled in
that sort of thinking, didn’t we? And though sober nowa-
days, don’t we often try to do much the same thing? Per-
haps our trouble was not that we used our imagination.
Perhaps the real trouble was our almost total inability
to point imagination toward the right objectives. There’s
nothing the matter with
constructive
imagination; all sound
achievement rests upon it. After all, no man can build a
house until he fi
rst envisions a plan for it. Well, meditation
is like that, too; it helps to envision our spiritual objec-
tive before we try to move toward it. So let’s get back to
that sunlit beach—or to the plains or to the mountains, if
you prefer.
When, by such simple devices, we have placed ourselves
STEP ELEVEN
101
in a mood in which we can focus undisturbed on construc-
tive imagination, we might proceed like this:
Once more we read our prayer, and again try to see what
its inner essence is. We’ll think now about the man who
fi
rst uttered the prayer. First of all, he wanted to become a
“channel.” Then he asked for the grace to bring love, for-
giveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to ev-
ery human being he could.
Next came the expression of an aspiration and a hope
for himself. He hoped, God willing, that he might be able to
fi
nd some of these treasures, too. This he would try to do by
what he called self-forgetting. What did he mean by “self-
forgetting,” and how did he propose to accomplish that?
He thought it better to give comfort than to receive it;
better to understand than to be understood; better to for-
give than to be forgiven.
This much could be a fragment of what is called medita-
tion, perhaps our very fi
rst attempt at a mood, a fl
ier into
the realm of spirit, if you like. It ought to be followed by
a good look at where we stand now, and a further look
at what might happen in our lives were we able to move
closer to the ideal we have been trying to glimpse. Medita-
tion is something which can always be further developed.
It has no boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by
such instruction and example as we can fi
nd, it is essen-
tially an individual adventure, something which each one
of us works out in his own way. But its object is always the
same: to improve our conscious contact with God, with
His grace, wisdom, and love. And let’s always remember
that meditation is in reality intensely practical. One of its
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102
fi
rst fruits is emotional balance. With it we can broaden
and deepen the channel between ourselves and God as we
understand Him.
Now, what of prayer? Prayer is the raising of the heart
and mind to God—and in this sense it includes meditation.
How may we go about it? And how does it fi
t in with medi-
tation? Prayer, as commonly understood, is a petition to
God. Having opened our channel as best we can, we try to
ask for those right things of which we and others are in the
greatest need. And we think that the whole range of our
needs is well defi
ned by that part of Step Eleven which says:
“...knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that
out.” A request for this fi
ts in any part of our day.
In the morning we think of the hours to come. Perhaps
we think of our day’s work and the chances it may afford us
to be useful and helpful, or of some special problem that it
may bring. Possibly today will see a continuation of a seri-
ous and as yet unresolved problem left over from yesterday.
Our immediate temptation will be to ask for specifi
c solu-
tions to specifi
c problems, and for the ability to help other
people as we have already thought they should be helped.
In that case, we are asking God to do it
our
way. Therefore,
we ought to consider each request carefully to see what its
real merit is. Even so, when making specifi
c requests, it will
be well to add to each one of them this qualifi
cation: “...if
it be Thy will.” We ask simply that throughout the day God
place in us the best understanding of His will that we can
have for that day, and that we be given the grace by which
we may carry it out.
As the day goes on, we can pause where situations must
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103
be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request:
“Thy will, not mine, be done.” If at these points our emo-
tional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely
keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to
ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed
to us in our reading or meditation. Just saying it over and
over will often enable us to clear a channel choked up with
anger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit
us to return to the surest help of all—our search for God’s
will, not our own, in the moment of stress. At these criti-
cal moments, if we remind ourselves that “it is better to
comfort than to be comforted, to understand than to be
understood, to love than to be loved,” we will be following
the intent of Step Eleven.
Of course, it is reasonable and understandable that the
question is often asked: “
Why
can’t we take a specifi
c and
troubling dilemma straight to God, and in prayer secure
from Him sure and defi
nite answers to our requests?”
This can be done, but it has hazards. We have seen A.A.’s
ask with much earnestness and faith for God’s explicit
guidance on matters ranging all the way from a shattering
domestic or fi
nancial crisis to correcting a minor personal
fault, like tardiness. Quite often, however, the thoughts
that
seem
to come from God are not answers at all. They
prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rationalizations.
The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run his life rig-
idly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving demand of
God for replies, is a particularly disconcerting individual.
To any questioning or criticism of his actions he instantly
proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance in all matters
STEP ELEVEN
104
great or small. He may have forgotten the possibility that
his own wishful thinking and the human tendency to ratio-
nalize have distorted his so-called guidance. With the best
of intentions, he tends to force his own will into all sorts
of situations and problems with the comfortable assurance
that he is acting under God’s specifi
c direction. Under such
an illusion, he can of course create great havoc without in
the least intending it.
We also fall into another similar temptation. We form
ideas as to what we think God’s will is for other people. We
say to ourselves, “This one ought to be cured of his fatal
malady,” or “That one ought to be relieved of his emotional
pain,” and we pray for these specifi
c things. Such prayers,
of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they are
based upon a supposition that we know God’s will for the
person for whom we pray. This means that side by side
with an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of
presumption and conceit in us. It is A.A.’s experience that
particularly in these cases we ought to pray that God’s will,
whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves.
In A.A. we have found that the actual good results of
prayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowl-
edge and experience. All those who have persisted have
found strength not ordinarily their own. They have found
wisdom beyond their usual capability. And they have in-
creasingly found a peace of mind which can stand fi
rm in
the face of diffi
cult circumstances.
We discover that we do receive guidance for our lives to
just about the extent that we stop making demands upon
God to give it to us on order and on our terms. Almost
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105
any experienced A.A. will tell how his affairs have taken
remarkable and unexpected turns for the better as he tried
to improve his conscious contact with God. He will also
report that out of every season of grief or suffering, when
the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons
for living were learned, new resources of courage were un-
covered, and that fi
nally, inescapably, the conviction came
that God
does
“move in a mysterious way His wonders
to perform.”
All this should be very encouraging news for those who
recoil from prayer because they don’t believe in it, or be-
cause they feel themselves cut off from God’s help and di-
rection. All of us, without exception, pass through times
when we can pray only with the greatest exertion of will.
Occasionally we go even further than this. We are seized
with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won’t pray.
When these things happen we should not think too ill of
ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we
can, doing what we know to be good for us.
Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and
prayer is the sense of
belonging
that comes to us. We no
longer live in a completely hostile world. We are no longer
lost and frightened and purposeless. The moment we catch
even a glimpse of God’s will, the moment we begin to see
truth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life,
we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evi-
dence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human
affairs. We know that God lovingly watches over us. We
know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us,
here and hereafter.
