Stop Over for Peace Activists, Organic Gardens, Nature Retreat !!! Dedicated to the propagation of varieties or "designer strains" of Blueberry bushes (Vaccinium) suited to Northern California. William and Lynn McLean, Humboldt County, CA, Ph # (707) 777-1941
(and S i d e s h o w C i r c u s A c t
on the Forrest Channel)
2009 Fire > Great Picture from space orbit of Hayfork Area. Hayfork South West of Fire on Trinity Mountain ********************************************* below, william on Right and younger Brother John on Left looking @ pet Gerbil::::::::::::::::: 40 years ago!
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above, Body Mind Connection, healing and disease^^^
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below, Drugs, like Cannabis and Natural Hallucinogenic drugs
or -Mind-Opening" drugs can be Good for People.
Should have FREEDOM TO USE CANNABIS, just like coffee!!! (adults)
Natural Drugs for Healing Cognitive Issues, Spiritual Growth.
v v v
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part 1
part 2
Please keep william in prayer, as he is starting a temporary (~60 Days) amphetamine (Adderall)(@ "wake-up" & 2 PM) to try to stop damging side effect to 50 weeks of Interferon/Ribavirin Chemotherapy, contracted by U.S. Army Air Gun Vaccination. SEE: http://hcvets.com/
Air Gun HCV Contraction, when entered U.S. Army, to work in Army Hospitals, in April, 1981 & went to Boot Camp @ Fort Dix, NJ, training, medic & nurse, @ FT Sam Houston (91bravo=Medic/EMT &&& 91Chalie=Nurse)(later 91Wiskey=Nuclear Med. Tech. w/ A.S. graduated from G.W.U.) Good Conduct Medal, Honorable Service & Expert (highest) M-16 Medal (was a Pacifist, expert shot)
******************** analogy OF A BROKE BONE & WEARING CAST FOR 60, THE AMPHETAMINE (only aid); needed a plan/strategy & SUPPORT, MOM, LYNN, DAVID for "crutches/cast" while on Adderall with Goal of stopping Cognitive Dysfuntion/Panic Attacks ("Nervous Breakdowns") which i have had 200 to 300 since March, 2003, 10 weeks into 1 year Interferon Chemotherapy. They will also be helping with "Monitoring and Evaluation" over the 60 days, along with "self-evaluation" with suggestions of coping/Living skills/tools. This will be done every Sunday (last Sunday was Day 1 of amphetamine) and Wednesday.
Lynn, David and Mom, thought this could be helpful, with special noting of step 7.
Here are seven-steps for an effective problem-solving process.
1. Identify the issues. (william: getting and staying on course to stop me from having these panic attacks/scrambled, confused thinking/nervous breakdowns which are damaging to my body and brain, my life and my relationships with others. Use my energy, which i only get so much a day, "an allocation or amount", well or constructively instead of burning it all up in an "episode".)
Be clear about what the problem is.
Remember that different people might have different views of what the issues are.
Separate the listing of issues from the identification of interests (that's the next step!).
2. Understand everyone's interests.
This is a critical step that is usually missing.
Interests are the needs that you want satisfied by any given solution. We often ignore our true interests as we become attached to one particular solution.
The best solution is the one that satisfies everyone's interests.
This is the time for active listening. Put down your differences for awhile and listen to each other with the intention to understand.
Separate the naming of interests from the listing of solutions.
3. List the possible solutions (options)
This is the time to do some brainstorming. There may be lots of room for creativity.
Separate the listing of options from the evaluation of the options.
4. Evaluate the options.
What are the pluses and minuses? Honestly!
Separate the evaluation of options from the selection of options.
5. Select an option or options.
What's the best option, in the balance?
Is there a way to "bundle" a number of options together for a more satisfactory solution?
6. Document the agreement(s).
Don't rely on memory.
Writing it down will help you think through all the details and implications.
7. Agree on contingencies, monitoring, and evaluation.
Conditions may change. Make contingency agreements about foreseeable future circumstances (If-then!).
How will you monitor compliance and follow-through?
Create opportunities to evaluate the agreements and their implementation. ("Let's try it this way for three months and then look at it.")
Effective problem solving does take some time and attention more of the latter than the former. But less time and attention than is required by a problem not well solved. What it really takes is a willingness to slow down. A problem is like a curve in the road. Take it right and you'll find yourself in good shape for the straightaway that follows. Take it too fast and you may not be in as good shape.
Working through this process is not always a strictly linear exercise. You may have to cycle back to an earlier step. For example, if you're having trouble selecting an option, you may have to go back to thinking about the interests.
This process can be used in a large group, between two people, or by one person who is faced with a difficult decision. The more difficult and important the problem, the more helpful and necessary it is to use a disciplined process. If you're just trying to decide where to go out for lunch, you probably don't need to go through these seven steps!
Don't worry if it feels a bit unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first. You'll have lots of opportunities to practice!
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>>>to be posted on the following dates, Hopefully with Progress and success. The Brain MRI showed servere atrophy from Interferon Chemotherapy Brain Toxicity with progressive damage due to ongoing, persistent side effects~7+years(see end of post).
Monitoring and Evaluation.
by 3 Way Call, here in MS, Seattle and Denver
(Done and documented by consensus by lynn, Mom, David and William-self-eval)
below Sun./Wed. dates; suggestions & 0 to 4 rating scale of items lynn, David, and Mom discussed (Plan/Strategy post "Brainstorming") with 0 being "balanced" w/ calm voice/demeanor, dealing well w/ cognitive dysfunction w/out "frustration", better speech/communication,low confusion and better productivity (work on house to sell to get to Califoria for Further Healing-years: http://memory.ucsf.edu/
On the scale, with "0" being Good,
on the Evalations "1 to 3" are based on severity of bad behaviors/Cognitive Issue or Stress, as well productivity toward sale of house.
4 would be the worse,falling back into "side effect actions or behavior" with the possibility of having to stop, failed!, the amphetamine/Adderall Pharmo therapy (& cognitive behavioral therapy/"the Srategy" by lynn, Mom, David and myself.)
6-19: started Adderall
6-22: immediate improvement in many areas, and used "tools", as needed, on Strategy List. Need to increase William's work/production incrementally/progressively (Daily hours getting house interior finished) score "0"!!!
***(extra comments by william: told lynn i loved her 5 times, as which was spontainiously done up till 2 years ago, as Persistent Chemo side effects" had got worse, felt like i was losing "myself"/functioning, 6 years after "side effects" continued. MFB was used more often than; i love you. On day 2 while at the kitchen sink and looking out open window, i felt a breeze come in, heard "Nature's Noises", and felt like "myself" with clarity of mind. For years, it has felt that i had a mouse running on a spinning wheel, just burning up ENERGY all the Time. I would often be exhausted by the afternoon or early evening. From Day 1 on amphetamine/Adderall, that stopped and i felt as if the mouse {stress???} stopped burning up ENERGY uselessly!!!)
6-26: lynn write Day of Medication (helps think of "moving forward/improvement"). "Trying" more especially in A.M., more Attention & Awareness.
eval score: Mom/David; 1.5 getting better to 0. William's thought of the last 4 Days eval score; 3- to 2+. Lynn eval score; 3- to 2+.
Also, keeping Time to 20 minutes or less.
***(William's suggestion; having Concensus Process with some forethought so will have balanced Time ~5 minute/person~ talking per individual with David, lynn & Mom having "Objective view" with william's being subjective. Thoughts can be more concise to save Time. Everyone should have the same highlighted - see, "7 Steps, Organized after step 3; "brainstroming"! Can take note of eval on back page left open for this.)
(extra comments, william: We are keeping track of how i am doing on the calendar, by marking over the date with a pink highlighter for "Good Days", which the 1st 4 days were. On Thursday, the Day after my 1st eval.-above, i had a Day which felt like i had a Cognitive Dysfunction Day, but did NOT "act out" trying to use the written "Strategy" to help me, i.e., #4; "keep a calm voice and demeanor". We have a blue highlighter for "Bad Days" and Thur., 6-23 was marked 3/4 pink (Good) & 1/4 blue (bad/issue~s). Friday i felt the TOO FAMILIAR after effects, depression, increase cognitive problems, frustration... >>> BUT I DIDN'T "ACT OUT" or "lose my cool"~at least "outwardly"! Mom said she was proud of me, 6-24 is marked all Pink. The next Day, Friday, was "rough" in the morning, including raising my voice to lynn about Thursday being too close to an (Lose your cool episode). I have been trying so hard, including not raising my voice, which I CANNOT DO ON ADDERALL {the whole point is stopping "episodes" and let Healing begin}. Through what was written on the "Strategy" {which includes a section of "what-ifs"} and talking with Mom AND lynn, the rest of the Day went MUCH better. I started feeling "recovered" from "setback" on Thursday. Lynn {who is also disabled-developmentally-alcohol use by her mother during pregnacy} use and i have a better understanding. She is also writing what day of Adderall treatment, every morning, i am on. Today is Day 8, Sunday, 6-26, and SO FAR * SO GOOD.
...still have Goal!!! >>> increase hrs/Day of house prep for sale.
Thurs., 6-24 was TOO Close to "an scrambled Brain/ panic epipisode" for comfort. Goal to not go "there" again while on Adderall pharmo therapy!!! & Glad lynn and i came to better communication with Mom's Help, and a determination to be careful about this!)
6-29 eval score(s): lynn, David & Mom; 0 to 1 (fairly Good), william's self score; 1 (because of below comments by william & issue discussed on phone)
Mom's comment: Gold stars to continueing trying & keeping things done in a Good Way, without "losing my cool".
David's comments: Just like the saying "Illegitimi non carborundum" meaning; "Don't let the bastards grind you down", also, "Don't let the battles grind you down". In Latin: (burnout, stress from past).
Lynn's comments: william had moments of stress, Mon., Tues. & Wed., but worked through them "not perfectly, but with effort" and sincerely.
(extra comments, william: Lynn has been sincerely making effort to be more "AWARE", even looking over Strategy/Plan for Behavior Change/stopping detrimental "stress/frustration episodes". On 2nd page, near bottom, of "what-ifs", section "Underlining stresses" added "a concern for failure or success in stopping episodes, especially after the "TOO CLOSE!" incendent last Thursday {see last eval}; stressed and expressed to lynn, myself and Mom; "It is easier or "natural to fall back into "old behavior pattern", but will take extra vigilant effort, concern and awareness to establish "New behavior pattern" {episode free, breaking vicious cycle of last 8 years, since March, 2003. Concern, that i am not getting max benifit of Adderall, as some nervousness, anxiety and an increase in scrabled thinking has occured after last Thursday, as last Saturday showed. Also. still concerned that i have to increase productive use of energy, which motivation builds on constructive productivity, instead wasted anxiety/confused energy leads to decreased motivation, frustration, stress, depression. We need to turn it around to the positive, and NOT the latter of above sentence. Have limited allocation of Energy per day, to NOT be wasted in stress and evenly!!! throughout the Day. Momentum from previous Day{s} can work for Good or be an obsticle-bad. Try to have "Good Days" lead to "Good Days", not bad to bad.)
7-3 eval score(s): Mom/David; 0-1 (Good), lynn; 1+ (had difficult moments), william; 1.
Mom's comment: Used Energy allocation (see above) well and equally through the Day on Our anniversary.
David's comments: ?
Lynn's comments: had difficult moments
(extra comments, william: Our 18th wedding promises anniversary, July 2 {married @ Lakewood Church, 1993, Houston, TX ~http://www.lakewood.cc/~}, and Thank you lynn for standing by me, even through these past difficult 8 years, since the Interferon Chemotherapy. This is especially true, as it has been sooooooooo long and We have had little knowledge that others suffered almost identical long term cognitve issues. Finally, there is a little more Light/Knowledge of the negative effects cause by long term Interferon on the brain, with cognitive effects, >>>... also, finally on a Medication that seems to be the first real aid to the Path of Recovery, along with "Cognitive Behavior Therapy"; http://www.anxietynetwork.com/hcbt.html, support of Family and Friends and the 7 Step outline to solving a problem. The main issue that i feel i need help in is items #'s 17 & 4 (highlighted on main "brainstorming") & item #8 on william's 10 item list". Had some problems in this area. It also corresponds to the the first and second items on Page 2 of the "What-if's" {has star and arrow @ top of page}. Want to discuss this with you, and what Our phycotherapist, Milton, {mutiple tours in Vietnam, 6'-4" w/ hands twice my size}, about a "stress scale of 1 to 10. Going past 10 would be "out of control" or a "4" on the scale "reverse scale" We are using. I am too often, all this past week going to high, 7-8, on the 1 -10 scale. I DON'T need to create a pattern of too high stress, as well as stopping the "congnitive dysfunction/panic episodes"}. While on the Adderall and during this Time, i want to have a pattern of lower stress. It concerns me that my stress level has gone too high thoughout the weeks, = "too many Days/week" = lost productivity, disappointment and damaging to healing physical and mental/emotional". Might increase dose next Thursday, as Psychiatrist suggested, as he told me it a very short "half-life", has only 4 hr effect, that's why i take first dose waking up, and second dose around Noon to 2 PM. Also, the effectiveness of the Adderall decreases w/ "drug tolerance", indicating a slightly higher dose if working well during first assessment by Psychiatrist.)
7-6 eval score(s): Mom/David; 2, lynn; 1+, william; 4 to 1.
Mom's comment: Mom gave me Hope when she gave advice from "the 7 steps of Problem Solving, as she said there could be setbacks, and the ealier steps need to be examined to find solutions and "get back on Right Path".
David's comments: Find root cause(s) and make changes to offset "episodes", not push, take your time (slow down). (william's response; "root causes" are varied, some before Interferon Chemotherapy, during the Chemo & the toxity of 1 year of Interferon/Ribavirin Chemo, and some after the Chemo including creating 200 + "Nervous Breakdowns/"Episodes", Trauma, stress and inadequate "after-care" and monotoring by the V.A. Medical System. To offset "Episodes", i have to stop having them or they just continue. i would be 19 days w/out an episode, except for the "setback" Tuesday. Even 3 Days later there are "episode" side effects and issues that last for several Days, by pattern in past. I still feel fatigue, cognitive issues and feel lynn also is affected for several Days, as her behaviour has indicated.)
Lynn's comments: Refer to Strategy/"Solution Plan" and see what relates to setback on Tuesday, July 5th, and possible areas or items that need to be given more attention and consideration. (Daily Actions that are suggested in the "Solution Plan"~Strategy to move to healthier behaviour pattern with out "setbacks"/Episodes.
(Williams self ~ subjective thoughts: (thinking/belief processes)
1. "it’s important we address 'setbacks". What does "address" mean? Pls. define by consensus comments!!! (Tonight)
2. "Conditions may change. Make contingency agreements about foreseeable future circumstances (If-then!).
How will you monitor compliance and follow-through?
Create opportunities to evaluate the agreements and their implementation. ... Effective problem solving does take some time and attention more of the latter than the former. But less time and attention than is required by a problem not well solved. What it really takes is a willingness to slow down. A problem is like a curve in the road. Take it right and you'll find yourself in good shape for the straightaway that follows. Take it too fast and you may not be in as good shape.
Working through this process is not always a strictly linear exercise. You may have to cycle back to an earlier step."
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3. "Here we learn new methods and ways to change our old thinking patterns and habits. If we’re always thinking and expecting the worst, then we will continue to suffer. We train or condition our minds to think and respond differently than we have in the past. Or think of it this way – if we can be conditioned to think and feel negatively, then we can be reconditioned to think healthfully.
We have dozens of specific methods and techniques that we use -- and you only need to find several methods that work well for you. We usually start CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) at this stage.
Some effective techniques are:
Slow-talk/slow walk/slowing down.
Stopping automatic negative thinking (ANTs).
The acceptance paradox: how we keep the fires burning and how to put them out. (Serentry Prayer: God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.)
Rational and helpful self-statements that can become permanent and "automatic".
Continuing to move our self-statements up.
Whose voice are you listening to, anyhow? Do we have to listen and believe all those old lies?
The determination factor: becoming more focused and gently determined.
Focusing: What are you paying attention to?
Later, it’s important we address: setbacks, perfectionism, anger, frustration, and Our View of the World.")
We are all equal Members of One Human Family with equal "importance".
The World was made for Parties, but please leave it as you found It!
The Green Party: gp.org
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Restarting Adderall at Proper (HOPE) higher therapuetic dose. Twice a Day, upon waking and around Noon. Increased dose from 10 mg x 2/Day up to 20 mg x 2/Day.
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~~~~~~~~. DAY 1 OF RESTART, @ "THERAPUETIC DOSE", JULY 9TH, WITH SOME "BUGS" WORKED OUT.
AND THE 4 OF US MORE ON THE SAME PAGE TO HELP ME! >>> Goal 30 + Days without "Episode" working CBT http://www.anxietynetwork.com/hcbt.html, and giving lynn extra support & help as she has Congnitive issues which have been labled "developmental disability"/alcholic baby sydrome=lynn's Mother drank hard liquer during her pregnacy>>>Memory + other cognitive issues. Keeping a focus for more than a Day. Iasking for and needing encouragement for this "Restart", as i suffer from Hopelessness, failure, burnout (i was trying!!!) and depression. We will really have to go to the Basics of the CBT, and put more attention to "options" (need defining) on the "Problem Solving 7 Steps", and look at the other items on the "Strategy for Success" to have more attention given to. These should be I.D.'ed Tonight or thought about till next Eval/Monitoring on Wednesday. Also, on the "What-Ifs" 2 pages, should anything be added??? & the "underlining stresses" need Consideration, Thought and Discussion, i feel.
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7-10 ~ DAY # 2 (therapuetic dose)!: eval score(s): Mom; 1.5, David/william; 1 - 2, lynn; 1+.
Mom's comments: Mom agreed with David about "root cause(s)" and offsets. Impotant to keep up medications and "push forward". She said it takes Time to make Progress and "let it grow". William's requested homework: Mom had said that setbacks may occur, and that some of the previous steps need to be revisited, so i asked her to look at steps 1 to 6 of "problem solving 7 steps" to see whether anything was skipped or not thoroughly done or could be adjusted somehow.
David's comments: If dispondent, don't give up. Keep trying. Looking positve and making Progress since start. William's request to David; I.D. "root causes" and "offsets" if different from my response (see 7-7 eval).
Lynn's comments: Still having after effects from last Tuesday's episode, in mood & actions and trouble following "Strategy".
william's (subjective) comments: in lynn's notes, it mentioned NOT getting to close to the edge of the cliff, which refered to stress levels 7, 8 or 9. Please see my comments from last Eval/Monitoring, which i stated this about (before the "# 4 Day" event last Tuesday, during the "PRACTICE ATTEMPT"). Milton, my therapist @ Vietnam Vet Center, St Pete, FL, emphasized 2 things; 1. Good/Better commucation w/ lynn & 2. The 1-10 stress scale, where he said i would be dead by 55 if i didn't change better. He said that i need to be at lower levels of "0" (calm, at peace in Life taking it "easy" as Life's issues happen Daily) to "3". If it goes higher, i need to deal with it (reduce level) and this is easier @ lower levels, 3 to 5, but gets more difficult @ 6, 7 & 8, very dangerous @ 9 or 10, as it is hard to reduce level and too close to "falling off cliff" or "Out of Control" episode, where there is little to control or change this. Also, i was still having after effects from the "#4 Day last Tuesday.
Additional comments, need to refer more to "Plan/Strategy" including the "What-If's" Q's & A's. Moving statements and thoughts to more positive (CBT). One chance at this Human Life and want to be Healthy in Personality (emotions, world outlook, thoughts, habits, ...) and be "Gently Determined" (right use of will) to get better and for healing.
7-13 eval score(s): Mom, David and Lynn; 1 to 2, william ?
Mom's comments: Not go over past hardships (ruminate). Work Today's issues. Enjoy youself.
David's comments: Don't go into "detail" about past hardships. ...or "take-over".
Lynn's comments: None, as phone call was short, ended.
William's comments: "Limited"
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>>>Wrote email about invitation to John & efficiency in Communication, Monitoring & Help to william having room for Improvement, and the disapointment of "bugs" that i thought might have been corrected or improved so the "Process" (Wiki: Process or processing typically describes the action of taking something through an established and usually routine set of procedures or steps to convert it ...)
would be Easier, Smoother and more efficient.
(he was attacked by bandits, stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road. *how william feels from Brain Damage Behavior Pattern w/ Confused/Panic Episodes* >>> By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side.
Then a despised Palestian came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Palestian soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins,[b] telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’
Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?
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William needs help for a short period, so that "longer" will be better (Changed Behavior Pattern and on Path of further Healing/Restoration w/out Relapse by moving toward Mind/Brain/Body Health through CBT and MBCT + tools/Principles of A.A. and "Spiritual or Life Principles", i.e. Compassionate Kindness & True "Good Shepherd/Prince of Peace" LOVE.
ALL BELOW WROTE BEFORE TELECONFERENCE (& could have been reviewed prior to teleconference/Monitoring/Evaluation w/ and constructive criticism, perhaps some creative or intuitive Helpful suggestions)
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Had bad experience Monday Morning. Sunday seemed to have "lingering confusion" which is NOT the best condition for following "Success Strategy/Plan". I woke up and over-reacted to a small thing which i "projected" that "Lingering Confusion" would be repeated. I raised my voice and lost item # 4 (calm voice and demeanor) which confirmed that while on Adderall as aid to healing process, i have to NOT raise my voice!!! It is almost like anabuse and an alcoholic. It is a "luxery that others can afford" which i absolutely cannot while on Adderall
>>> like oil and water, they don't mix and have terrible effects if they are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~continued william's thoughts:
from email titled "Brain Shrinkage", about my FTD (frontaltemporal dementia):"In addition to frontotemporal dementia, executive function deficits are associated with a number of psychiatric and developmental disorders, including obsessive-compulsive disorder, Tourette's syndrome, depression, schizophrenia, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, autism and addiction.
Executive functions are difficult to assess directly since they coordinate other cognitive skills. Damage to memory, language, visuospatial skills and other cognitive functions can impact how a person performs on tests of executive function. Executive skills are also grounded in real world experience, which makes laboratory tests more difficult to create. The instruments used to assess executive behavior require mental agility, foresight, planning and freedom from distraction."
Please NOTE the above mentions ADHD which Adderall pharmo-therapy can be an aid in treatment, as well as changing or improving many of the syptoms included in that email. When lynn read that email ("Brain Shrinkage", dated 7-11), she saw MANY symtoms or discription of disabities that have developed and became worse or more frequent over the last 2 years. It also implies that could be further complications, such the TAU protiens of the Damage already done, causing progressive deteration of cognitive funtioning and "hemeostasus" (in many varied possible ways). Therefore, it show the importance of arreasting further damage, as much as possible, and be on a Path of Healing, Restoration and "Exercising my brain"...and reprograming through CBT, as mention in email written this morning titled "Restoration & Healing in "Restart" after practice attempt".
My main focus needs to be on the basics for now, such as NOT raising my voice, having a calm voice and demeanor (item #4) and reducing stress, using "Daily Allocation" of Energy productively and evenly through out the Day. Please refer to Eval/Monitoring above dated; 6-26, 6-29 & 7-3.
7-17 (Sunday Teleconference for Monitoring Evaluation canceled, because it was said Mom was tired and was playing Golf in the Morning. Now, suggested to be postponed for next Day, Monday, 7-18, Evening.)
eval score(s):
Mom's comments:
David's comments:
Lynn's comments:
William's comments: (NOTE to william/self: Be grateful, considerate and understanding: Try to follow Principles of "Prayer of St Francis", even if in place of need of "self" for change toward Healing. Look over both highlighted lists. On "my brainstorming" be attentative to #'s; 7, 5, 2 & 9. Have Gentle Determination. TRY!>to be easy on others and self. "Swim with Good currents/the flow". Catch the next Wave ??? and do better toward success.)
Allow myself to "bow out" of teleconference after "greetings", if Consensus directs/allows, so dynamics could or might be easier, efficient, improved and "the Process" worked on.
<(myself, feeling it would be helpful & Good, perhaps most for lynn, & also for Mom & David, but then need responses/"feelings"/thoughts, for Censensus, from lynn, mom & David, who last night said opinion of yes, but not Tonight)>
Also, unless John, who while in Denver last Wednesday, and i felt (never had response of David or Mom on this) could be invited to be involved, for positive reasons of Experience of Medical issue(s), including head injury, and his knowledge of Buddhist Practices and Teachings. If i do "bow out" for reason of increased unity/Harmony, better "Process", so just Mom, David and lynn could discuss things itimately and objectively to move to greater ease and mutual understanding, then the "invitation" to John would be inappropriate for that. Maybe "invite" to John in near future. (... a bit confused, as didn't want to miss helpful input from John. Also, how does this "fit in" to what David said last night, about Mom, lynn & David set Time to talk privately, but not at regular scheduled Monitoring Discussion/Evaluation?)
Perhaps, need another "Start-over" & Go back to a "Day One" of another attempt. I made it 15 Days the first Time. This Time, 1 and a half Days. New Behavior Pattern/Neural renetworking/State of Mind fell back (in part only, perhaps; might have seeds of change there) into "Pattern of least resistance" = no change or the "old pattern". If nothing changes nothing changes. Instead of Path toward Healing and Change, old path is a path of increasing progressive illness of Brain Deterioration and Damage, as well as physically damaging; lower immune health/defense & healing, other organs and A & P systems. Over longer periods this has greater manifestation, consequences and outcome. Not Good for me or others. I did try.
See email Day of my last "Try Again" on July 9th, titled: "Need encouragement~Failed??? Pls HELP!!!follow through=Re: Eval/Monotoring written for "7-6"
THANK YOU!!! Lovin' you.
7-20(resd. 7-22)
eval score(s): Mom & lynn, 1 and 1/2, David, 0 -1, william, 2
Mom's comments: had tough days, but improved. Look for or see things that help you be motivated and optimistic.
David's comments: Sounds like you tried to have some good days and did.
Lynn's comments: n/a
General Discussion: inf on New Psychiatrist & Medication.
william's (subjective) comment's: Change from downward circle (vicous cycle)(damaging) to upward circle (snowballing analogy) of less stress, incresed cognitive functioning, using "daily allocation of Energy" evenly, efficiently and productively, which then, daily increases Cognitive Behaviour Therapy retention, reception and utilization, which decreases (over Days, as above "upward cycle" happens) stess and cognitive dysfunctioning, ...which, over Time reverses "Circle" to Mental/Mind/Body Health & Wellness, Restoration and Better Living, regardless of uncertain future, evironmental or cicumstantial "unknowns".
Get Better as above stated: "My main focus needs to be on the basics for now, such as NOT raising my voice, having a calm voice and demeanor (item #4) and reducing stress, using "Daily Allocation" of Energy productively and evenly through out the Day. Please refer to Eval/Monitoring above dated; 6-26, 6-29 & 7-3."
need to continue CBT & Mindfulness based CT, such as from
(Good Vid for David): http://blueberrypeacefarm.blogspot.com/2011/07/is-it-true-or-false-beautiful-or-ugly.html
7-24 Sunday,
Assessment score(s):
Mom's comments:
David's comments:
Lynn's comments:
Article about treating nueropsycopathology as inadequate in Mississippi; From Jackson Clarion Ledger: http://www.clarionledger.com/article/20110724/NEWS/107240348/1001/RSS01
william's (subjective) comments: ... haven't started new Medicine, Donepezil (Aricept), as i have Questions, such as how much and the posible bad side effects, including making me more "unstable".
... need to progress as oulined right above, last "eval/Assessment".
For CBT & contiplation/meditation: (from Book) "make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love." & "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
7-27
Assessment score(s): Mom & David; 2, lynn & william didn't give assessment scores
Mom's comments: MORNINGS! Mom discused and raised ??? Question of how to function better and healthy in the mornings. Would lead into Better Days> William strongly agreed and said there were numerous Ways but keep the basics first, and use the other "tools" (i.e. the "What-Ifs" page of Strategy/Plan for Success) as appropiate to situations.
David's comments: Asked about "start of Day"??? Get Right sleep and rest, and DON'T stay up too late!
Lynn's comments:
william's (subjective) comments: Good, calm, rational, good communication~lynn & me on same page~ is ESSENTIAL for "Recovery, Healing, Therapy Effectiveness and change of Direction of "heading to disaster" or the desired change toward Wellbeing, Wholeness, Mental Health (Stabele & well, grounded by Therapy FOUNDATION), +++ on Way to Healing , Personal Growth & Potential and Helpful Service (God works in mysterious Ways) to others, Persons + + +
PERSONAL AND GLOBAL RESPONSIBILITY
We encourage individuals to act to improve their personal well-being and, at the same time, to enhance ecological balance and social harmony. We seek to join with people and organizations around the world to foster peace, economic justice, and the health of the planet.
"Hopeful, but see what "Loyd" says (Truth!)http://keepontrudging.blogspot.com/2011/07/loyd-tells-truth.html
CBT related from Book: "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
Videos above for lynn and David, (& Mom, if she can see them) below article for Mom, by same U of T PhD, Psycology: http://www.wildestcolts.com/psych_opp/a-coercion/5-axioms.html espcially, when the article gets to "Implementing a Solution" Love you. Thank you.
7-31
Assessment score(s): lynn; 3, william; burnout 4, Mom; 1&1/2, David; 3-
Mom's comments: Mom said this was significant (from letter; Romans): "Love in Action
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
David's comments: "look forward", and he said i sounded a bit blue.
Lynn's comments: n/a
william's (subjective) comments: "Hopeful, but NEED better morning routine that does not lead to cognitive dysfunction/disstress, rather clam, rational, considerate, thoughtful Discussion/Communication! that leads into a Day that i PROGRESS in Healing and Mental Health"
...(feel crushed, but Hope something "Inside" and Grace helps me to persevere and "SEEDS FOR SUCCESS OF GOAL ARE PLANTED AND READY TO GERMINATE!"= Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness/attention/awareness based Conitive Therapy and "Pyscodynamic Cognitive Therapy) ,& look @ From above: "William needs help for a short period, so that 'longer' will be better (Changed Behavior Pattern and on Path of further Healing/Restoration w/out Relapse by moving toward Mind/Brain/Body Health through CBT and MBCT + tools/Principles of A.A. and 'Spiritual or Life Principles', i.e. Compassionate Kindness & True "Good Shepherd/Prince of Peace" LOVE."
Also, included with CBT, MBCT and Psycodynamic CBT i am trying to allow the following to "Soak In" for "Wellness": http://www.hinduism.co.za/bhakti1.htm http://www.erowid.org/spirit/yoga/yoga_jnana.shtml
CBT from Book: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
8-3
Assessment score(s): william 4- (all the elements for a "Change/Turn around" are still there, just not complete>>>would a "4+", otherwise)
Mom's comments:
David's comments:
Lynn's comments:
william's (subjective) comments: see below, but "Burnout". i don't feel change in Cognitive/Behavior/"Mind State" moved to Right Direction, rather, a wrong "pattern" has been established which is in opposition and even decreasing move to "Right Cognitive/Behavior Pattern". Adderall ,short acting, 4-5 hrs, amphetamine that the Psychiatrist said was "Risky". It can/could increase Dopamine and Focus and even, with attention/intention, stop the "Episodes" almost immediately and permanately with proper effort(PLEASE!!! 200 to 300 since 2003 = TORTURE & further Cognitive and Brain Damage). I have had weeks of wrong state of Mind, preventing healing and behavior & pysche change. Now, perhaps, or Yesterday was when the "Window of Opportunity" was (is???) open. There has been too much fucking confusion, making simple things harder and longer to do, not being able to be effeciently productive in more complex tasks, and lacking drive or motivation (enthusiasm) for things when scared and stressed too much of the Time, even recently waking up in that state.
As a well needs priming, then changes to working right. &&& A Broken bone, like leg, needs to be in a cast (proper protection, an aid or help to heal/Change to "Health", the Right Environment!) for 6 to 8 weeks to change to healed, and be "Functioning" correctly. Without the cast, it WILL NOT HEAL PROPERLY. ... for a better understanding of pscodynamics of "States of Mind" ... for psycodynamics, in part, see: Brain Waves ... the "Alpha" or even toward the "Theta" state is most conducive to being receptive to CBT (Therapy=stop episodes) ... this One also: http://www.bringchange2mind.org/
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from last Sunday's Assessment Discussion: "Hopeful, but NEED better morning routine that does not lead to cognitive dysfunction/disstress, rather clam, rational, considerate, thoughtful Discussion/Communication! that leads into a Day that i PROGRESS in Healing and Mental Health".
~~~ added for Tonight's Assessment/Discussion: the before leading into a pattern of better "State of Mind" with decreased Stress, increased cognitive functioning which MIGHT lead to a Change to a Healing Pattern and progressive Wellbeing, Productivity, Motivation and Wholeness as a Person and in Personality, as much as possible (IT IS POSSIBLE! or was???) even with Brain Damage. The CBT, MBCT, Pyscodynamic CBT, Bhakti and Jnana yoga's (http://www.sivananda.org/teachings/fourpaths.html), along with AA Transforming/Healing Life steps and Principles (Step 10-12, below) and teachings, Life Principle from the Bible (as Mom wrote from letter to Romans). All this might seem like it is complicated, but i have 10 to 35 years exposure and gained Knowledge in these areas that all have correlation to Therapy and are resources or "additions" to help with CBT.
(From AA: 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.)
***********!!!!!!!(below; old shit, needed to be addressed)
(from last month): 7-6 eval on:
http://blueberrypeacefarm.blogspot.com/2011/06/stress-disease-connection-add-new.html
please HELP follow through with what was written for 7-6, such as "addressing setback"/last Tues., as it was devastating to me, and i ABSOLUTELY cannot have it happen again while on Adderall pharmo-therapy and working the CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy). It is Saturday evening and i have had lingering effects from what happened last Tuesday even some Today and since Tuesday, both physical, functioning ability and cognitive. PLEASE HELP GET ME BACK ON THE RIGHT PATH!
When you have a major "fall", like i did last Tuesday, it is even hard to have the motivation (burnout issue) to even try to start over, as my mind was splattered from here to Jackson. Lynn has been very helpful, and she can tell you how i have been since last Tuesday. She had stopped writing the Day of Adderall Therapy 2 Days before my breakdown. She has restarted with Today as Day 1, as the Psychiatrist doubled my dose (in mg, but still upon wakening and around Noon, only 2 Adderall pills/Day) to a "Therapeutic amount", as the lower dose was for trial.
I was ready to "give up" (All in all is all we are) until Mom read from the "Problem Solving 7 Steps">>> (to try again) "Working through this process is not always a strictly linear exercise. You may have to cycle back to an earlier step."
8-7(8-8)
Assessment score(s):
Mom's comments:
David's comments:
Lynn's comments:
william's (subjective) comments: ~~~ 0 days without Episode (Scrambled Brain Panic Stress attack)
Be Especialy Calm during first 20 minutes of the day after taking meds upon wakening, Do not raise voice and talk things out with lynn or "let them go", temporarilly to address later or not. Lower Stress level, use energy more equally through the Day, and prgressively increase "Productivity". Continue with "CBT+" (MBCT, Psycodynamics CT, Brain/Thought rebuilding, discipline and exercise)
Discipline and Rebuilding after Brain Damage, CBT, MBCT and Socialpsychology:
Responsibility, Reactions, Responses and Acceptance, 8 virtues or powers to have to Live Right:
Change Behavior Pattern (CBT) Stop Episodes and Replace with Possitive:
8-10
8-14
8-17
8-21(maybe final)
How Interferon Ruins Your Brain
The mechanism of this injury to the brain appears to involve the brain's special immune cell called the microglia. Normally, these cells remain dormant in the brain. That is, they are sleeping. Microglia cells can be activated by numerous factors, including mercury, aluminum, iron, overvaccination, and brain trauma, strokes, infections (viruses, bacteria, rickettsia) and cytokines such as interferons.
Once activated, microglia can move about the brain secreting very toxic compounds, which include two excitotoxins (glutamate and quinolinic acid). These excitotoxins dramatically increase free radical generation in the brain as well as oxidation of lipids (called lipid peroxidation). These radicals damage synaptic connections, interfere with neurotransmitters and can even kill neurons. In addition, these activated microglia generate other toxic compounds such as prostaglandins (PGE2), which increase brain inflammation.
If the microglia activation is short lived, the damage to the brain is minimal and recovery takes place. Yet, should the activation continue, which would occur with high-dose and long-term use of interferons, the damage could be substantial and irreversible. Protecting the brain with high-dose and varied antioxidants as well as certain metabolic stimulants can substantially reduce this damage. Certain nutrients, such as malate, pyruvate, DHA, ascorbate, magnesium and methylcobalamin inhibit excitotoxicity.
Physicians Frequently Miss Side Effects
Physicians often ignore patient complaints of neurological difficulties during interferon treatments, assuming they are benign and reversible.
Please see:::::::
Original Mothers Day Proclamation Julia Ward Howe: 1870
Arise then, women of this day!
Arise all women who have hearts, whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
'We will not have questions decided by irrelevant agencies.
'We will not have questions decided by irrelevant agencies.
'Our husbands shall not come to us reeking of carnage for caresses and applause.
'Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy, and patience.
'We women of one country will be too tender to those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs.
'From the bosom of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own, it says "Disarm! Disarm!"
'The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.
'Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.'
As men have forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after his time the sacred impress not of Caesar, but of God.
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.
The Simpson County Sheriff�s Department reported the following arrests:
Virginia Broocks, 52, 724 Mount Zion Road, Mount Olive, four counts of fraud.
Other arrests include hold for investigation (5), trespassing, public profanity (2), disorderly conduct (2), exhibiting a weapon, bad check, domestic violence (2), DUI-second offense, possession of beer, no driver's license, DUI-other substance (3), serve time and old fines.
Magee Police
The Magee Police Department reported the following arrests:
William McLean, no age listed, 305 Fifth Ave. S.E., possession of marijuana.
Brandy C. White, 24, no address listed, possession of marijuana in a motor vehicle.
Other arrests include failure to appear (3), seat belt violation, driving while license suspended (2), public drunk, DUI, open container, no driver�s license.
Mendenhall Police
The Mendenhall Police Department reported the following arrests:
Rickey N. Durr, 235 Sally St., DUI-third offense.
Delaine Denise Granderson, 21, 528 Zion Hill Road, assault on a police officer by threat.
Other arrests include DUI, driving while license suspended (2), open container, warrants (3) and driving on the wrong side of the road.
Mississippi Highway Patrol
The Mississippi Highway Patrol reported the arrests including DUI and speeding.
The earth is the Lord's and all that is in it, the world, and those who live in it. -Psalm 24:1 (NRSV)
(below from http://upperroom.org/) I live in a country where the standard of living is high. But our lifestyle has far-reaching effects. If everyone used as many of Earth's resources per person as we do in Denmark, we would need about two extra planets the size of this one to sustain the world's population.
God created the world and saw that it was good. God gave humans the responsibility of being stewards of creation. But we use nature as if it were an infinite resource. We treat creation as if we own it and can use it as we please.
We do not own Earth. God does. Just as children are a gift and a responsibility for their parents, God's gift of planet Earth comes with responsibility for its care. God's creation sustains our existence, providing land, water, and the air that keeps us alive.
When I make decisions -- choices about food, clothing, transportation -- I try to remember that the earth belongs to God. I am part of God's creation, and God's creation keeps me alive. Creation is God's way of taking care of us.
Hanna Smidt (Hovedstaden, Denmark)
Thank you, God, for creating the world and all that is in it: friends, family, fish, spiders, swallows, wheat, water, and oxygen. Forgive us when we abuse your good gifts. Help us to make responsible choices that help other people and honor your creation. Amen.
40 years ago!
