Saturday, March 10, 2018

HUMMM >>> BOLDT ~ REDWOOD GROVE * * * "S ! ! !



The Ties between Letters, Words, and Numbers

In Hebrew, each letter corresponds to a number. As a result, any word or name can become a series of numbers. Numbers can be taken one at a time or added together. There is significance when words include or add up to the same numbers; the meaning of the words that share numbers are thought to be deeply related or even identical.
The letters are results of spiritual sensations. The direction of the lines and shapes in a letter has spiritual meaning.
As a result, Hebrew letters are also codes for sensations the writer receives from the Creator. When a letter or word is written, the author is giving us his or her conscious perception of the Creator. The Creator is acting on them as they write.
The color in writing is also a clue to the way creation (black ink) works hand in hand with the Creator (white paper). Without both of them, you could not understand the writing or the story of creation and what it means to you.

A Map of Spirituality

The Torah is the major text of Judaism and the “Old Testament” in Christianity, as well as a Kabbalah text. Its letters show all the information that is radiating down from the Creator. There are two basic kinds of lines in Hebrew letters, representing two kinds of Light. The vertical lines stand for the Light of wisdom or pleasure. The horizontal lines stand for the Light of mercy, or correction. (There are also diagonals and circular lines that have specific meanings in each letter, but that’s beyond the scope of this book.)
The codes come from changes in the Light as it develops your Kli (desire). The Light expands your desire. When Light enters your Kli, it is called Taamim (flavors), and when it leaves, it is called Nekudot (dots or points). Memories of Light entering are called Tagin (tags), and memories of Light departing are Otiot (letters).
All letters start with a dot or point. A complete cycle of a spiritual state contains entrance, departure, memories of the entrance, and the memories of the departure. The fourth and last element creates letters, and the other three are written as tiny symbols Taamim (flavors), tags (Tagin), and dots (Nekudot) above, within, and below the letters respectively.
With correct instruction for reading the Torah, Kabbalists can see their past, present, and future states by gazing at these symbols in each of their combinations. But to see that, it is not enough to simply read the text. You must know how to see the codes.
Certain combinations of letters can be used instead of the language of Sefirot and Partzufim when you describe spiritual actions. Objects and actions shown through letters and their combinations, too, can give a description of the spiritual world.
The key to reading the Torah in this way is The Zohar. In essence, the book contains commentaries on the five parts of the Torah and explains what is concealed in the text of Moses.
The letters represent information about the Creator. More precisely, they describe the individual’s experience of the Creator. Kabbalists depict the Creator as white Light, the background of the paper on which letters and words are written. The creature’s perceptions of the Creator emphasize different sensations that a person feels while experiencing the Creator, using letters and words. This is why traditional Hebrew writing is made of black letters over a white background.
It turns out that the Hebrew letters are like a map of spirituality, describing all the spiritual desires. The way they connect gives us the Torah.

Dots and Lines

The dots and lines in Hebrew letters are shapes on the paper, which is blank and void. The paper is the Light, or Creator. The black ink on it is the creation.
_____________________________________________________________
Kabbalearn
There are Emanator and emanated. The Emanator has four elements: Fire, Wind, Water, and Dust, which are the four Otiot (letters): Yod, Hey, Vav, Hey, which are Hochma, Bina, Tifferet, and Malchut. They are also Taamim, Nekudot, Tagin, Otiot, and they are Atzilut, Beria, Yetzira, Assiya.
—The Holy Ari, The Tree of Life
___________________________________________________________________
A vertical line (|) means that the Light descends from Above—from the Creator toward creation. A horizontal line (—) means the Creator is relating to all existence (like the sweep of a landscape).
The shape of Hebrew letters comes from the combination of Malchut (represented by black) and Bina (represented by white). The black point is Malchut. When the dot connects to the Light, it expresses the way it receives the Light through all kinds of forms and shapes. The shapes show the different ways creation (black ink) reacts to the Creator (the white background).
Each letter signifies combinations of forces. Their structure and how letters are pronounced express qualities of the Creator. You express the spiritual qualities you achieve through the shapes.

Black on White

Hebrew letters also represent Kelim (vessels). The Zohar tells us that the letters appeared one by one before the Creator and asked to be selected to serve Him in creating the universe. Put simply, the letters asked to receive his blessing and give it to creation, just as a Kli (vessel) receives water and pours it out to sustain life.
_____________________________________________________________
Off Course
Even if we take the subtlest word that can be used… the word “Upper Light” or even “Simple Light,” it is still borrowed and lent from the light of the sun, or candlelight, or a light of contentment one feels upon resolving some great doubt. …How can we use them in context of the spiritual and Godly? …It is particularly so where one needs to find some rationale in these words to help one in the negotiation customary in the research of the wisdom. Here one must be very strict and accurate using definitive descriptions…
—Baal HaSulam, “The Essence of the Wisdom of Kabbalah”
___________________________________________________________________
The shapes of the letters symbolize a connection and bond between you and the Creator. They are not just black lines; they form clear shapes because they represent corrected relationships between creation and Creator.
This bond is built on contrast and collision. As creatures, you and I don’t experience Light unless it collides with something. To sense Light, it must be stopped by something, such as the retina in your eye. The surface of an object (sound, light, or any kind of wave) collides with our perception. This stops it from continuing and allows us to sense it.
Because the paper is like the Light, it must be stopped with black lines (letters). That allows a person to sense the Light and learn from it. The black lines of the letters are seen as a barrier to the Light. This is because black (the color) is the opposite of Light. The Light strikes against the creature’s Masach; it wants to enter the Kli and give delight. Instead of deflecting it, the struggle between the rejecting Masach and the striking Light creates a powerful bond. This collision is what the relationship between the Light and letters is based on.
In this way, the black lines of the letters limit the Light or restrict it. When the Light “hits” a line, it is forced to stop, and then the Kli can study it. It turns out that the only way to learn anything about the Creator is by stopping His Light—restricting it and studying it. Ironically, it is precisely when you contain the Creator that you learn how to be as free as Him. In a sense, the Masach is like a prism: the rejection of Light breaks it into the elements that comprise it, and this allows us, creatures, to study it and decide how much of each “color” we want to use.

Letters and Worlds

Hebrew consists of 22 letters. The first nine letters, Aleph through Tet, represent the lower part of Bina. The next nine, Yod through Tzadik, stand for Zeir Anpin, and the last four, Kof through Tav, stand for Malchut, the creature itself.
In addition to the “regular” letters, there are five final letters in Hebrew. If you look at the illustration below, you will see that they are not new letters; they bear the same names as letters in the original 22. There is a good reason for that.
_____________________________________________________________
On Course
You study the qualities of the Creator in the same way you determine an object’s color. When you see a red ball, it means that the ball reflected the red color, and that’s why we can see it. Similarly, when you reject (reflect) a fragment of the Creator’s Light, you know exactly what you rejected. This is why the only way you can know the Creator is by first rejecting all His Light. Then you can decide what you want to do with it.
___________________________________________________________________
Atzilut, the highest of the five worlds introduced in Chapter 7. Because the original 22 letters are in the world closest to the Creator, they describe a corrected connection between creation and Creator. The five final letters make contact between the corrected state (World of Atzilut) and the worlds of the uncorrected state, Beria, Yetzira, Assiya (BYA). Because there are five phases in creation, there must be five final forms of contact between Atzilut and BYA, hence the five final letters.
The Hebrew Letters and Their Numeric Values
The letter Bet is the first letter in the Torah and the second letter in the Hebrew alphabet. It’s the first in the Torah because Bet stands for the corrected connection between Bina and Malchut, which is called Beracha (blessing). A blessing is received when Malchut (creation, us) can connect to Bina (Creator). We can connect to Him only when we want to be like Him, and that’s what is meant by “corrected connection.” When Malchut asks to be like Bina—that is, when you and I want to be like the Creator—it is called “a corrected connection” blessing (Beracha).

Ones, Tens, Hundreds, and Beyond

Letters are divided into three numerical categories: ones, tens, and hundreds:
  • The Bina level corresponds to ones: Aleph, Bet, Gimel, Dalet, Hey, Vav, Zayin, Het, Tet. These are the nine (1–9) Sefirot of Bina.
  • The ZA level corresponds to tens: Yod, Chaf, Lamed, Mem, Nun, Samech, Ayin, Peh, Tzadik. These are the nine (10–90) Sefirot of ZA.
  • The Malchut level corresponds to hundreds: Kof, Reish, Shin, Tav. These are the four (100–400) Sefirot of Malchut.
The obvious question comes to mind: what about the numbers above 400? The answer is that Hebrew is a spiritual language, not a math language. Everything about it represents spiritual states, and no more numbers are required to describe the structure of the world of Atzilut (the “home” of the letters). In other words, with these 22 letters, you can describe everything from the beginning of creation to infinity.
So what happens when you want to express complicated numbers, like 248? You use three letters: Reish (200), Mem (40), and Het (8). And what if you want to write a higher number than 400, like 756? You use more than three letters: Tav (400) + Shin (300) + Nun (50) + Vav (6) = 756.
Of course, we can reach this number using many different combinations, but it is important to remember that if two words add up to the same number, they are spiritual synonyms and have the same spiritual meaning.
Now here’s how this discussion of numbers relates to the evolution of spiritual desire explained in Kabbalah. When numbers represent the size of your Kli, the bigger they are, the more Light enters them. If there are only ones in your desire, that is, if you have a small desire, a small amount of Light is present. If tens are added and your desire grows, more Light enters. If hundreds are added and your desire reaches its peak, the Light symbolized by the letters fills your spiritual Kelim.
Things get tricky, however, as Kabbalah has an exception. Numbers can also represent the Light, not just the desires. In this case, ones (small Lights) are in Malchut, tens are in ZA, and hundreds are in Bina. This is because of an inverse relation between Light and Kli (desire). This may be confusing, but it is because the greatest Light of the Creator enters your Kli only when you activate your lowest desires.
Here are the numerical values of each level expressed in terms of the Light they represent and the level at which they fill your vessels:
  • Bina—Light (100); Kli (1)
  • ZA—Light (10); Kli (10)
  • Malchut—Light (1); Kli (100)

If God = Nature, and Nature = Desire, then…

Here’s something else to think about: if you sum up the numeric values of the letters in the words HaTeva (the nature), they add up to 86. Next, if you sum up the value of the letters in the word Elokim (God), they add up to 86. And finally, if you sum up the value of the letters in the word Kos (cup), they add up to—you guessed it—86. That shows the equivalence of God, cup, and nature in Kabbalah, which we noted in Chapter 2. Here’s how it works.
We’ve already said that if two words add up to the same number, they have the same spiritual meaning. Therefore, the statement that Kabbalah is making here is very interesting (if a little complex):
  • Nature and Creator are one and the same. The fact that we don’t see them as such doesn’t make it less true, just like the fact that we can’t see bacteria with a naked eye doesn’t stop them from affecting our bodies.
  • A cup, in Kabbalah, stands for a Kli, meaning a desire to receive. Therefore, nature and our Kli are the same. Here, too, the fact that we don’t sense it doesn’t mean it isn’t true, but the fact that they have the same value means that we have the opportunity to correct (change) our desires to match nature’s structure.
  • When we match our desires (Kli) with those of nature, we will also match them with the Creator (because nature and the Creator are synonyms). In simple words, when we equalize our Kli with nature, we will discover the Creator.
In terms of an equation, it looks like this: If A = B, and B = C, then A = C.














"Eight-sided whispering hallelujah hatrack"

The Annotated "The Eleven"

An installment in The Annotated Grateful Dead Lyrics.
By David Dodd

Copyright notice

"The Eleven"
Words by Robert Hunter; music by Phil Lesh
Copyright Ice Nine Publishing; used by permission.
No more time to tell how
This is the season of what
Now is the time of returning
With thought jewels polished and gleaming
Now is the time past believing
The child has relinquished the reign
Now is the test of the boomerang
Tossed in the night of redeeming
Eight sided whispering hallelujah hatrack
Seven faced marble eye transitory dream doll
six proud walkers on jinglebell rainbow
Five men writing in fingers of gold
Four men tracking down the great white sperm whale
Three girls wait in a foreign dominion
Ride in the whale belly
Fade away in moonlight
Sink beneath the waters
to the coral sand below
Now is the time of returning


"The Eleven"

Recorded on Live Dead, as part of a four-part jam which includes "Dark Star," "Saint Stephen," "The Eleven," and "Lovelight." Also on Two From the Vault. According to Ihor Slabicky's discography, "The Eleven" was recorded for AOXOMOXOA, but not included on the album, where it would have followed "Saint Stephen." Covered by Solar Circus on Juggling Suns.
After steady inclusion in the live repertoire from 1968 to 1970, "The Eleven" was dropped, to be revived once, at a concert in Golden Gate Park, on September 28, 1975.
The piece is famous among Deadheads as a vehicle for furious jamming in an odd meter, 11 beats to the bar, presenting a unity of title and musical content, though not particularly of lyric content, since Hunter's countdown begins with not eleven, but eight.
Counting songs are a long-standing tradition. Everyone knows "The Twelve Days of Christmas." But how about "Children, Go Where I Send Thee"?
And of course, counting-rhymes are a major part of the heritage of nursery rhymes carried on by Hunter and Barlow both. One of the best known is "A Gaping Wide-Mouthed Waddling Frog" (a cumulative verse, ending up with the following):
"Twelve huntsmen with horn and hounds,
Hunting over other men's ground;
Eleven ships sailing o'er the main,
Some bound for France and some for Spain;
Ten comets in the sky,
Some low and some high;
Nine peacocks in the air,
I wonder how they all came there,
I don't know, nor I don't care; [see "Ripple"]
Eight joiners in joiner's hall,
Working with their tools and all;
Seven lobsters in a dish,
As fresh as any heart could wish;
Six beetles against a wall,
Close by an old woman's apple-stall;
Five puppies by our dog Ball,
Who daily for their breakfast call;
Four horses stuck in a bog,
Three monkeys tied to a clog,
Two pudding ends would choke a dog,
With a gaping wide-mouthed waddling frog."
The counting portion of "The Eleven" was originally included by Hunter as part of "China Cat Sunflower". (See Conversations with the Dead, by David Gans, p. 24-25)
And another note from a reader:
From: Mitchell, Matthew [mailto:MMitchell@ECRI.org]
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2003 8:21 AM
Subject: The Eleven

A rather obvious reference to the Eleven came to mind Sunday. If you read the Acts of the Apostles, you'll see "the Eleven" referred to frequently: they are of course the apostles who remained after Judas fled and Christ was crucified and rose from the dead. (Mathias was added to their number later)
The Eleven were the founders of the Christian church, and the Holy Spirit came over them at Pentecost (Acts 2). They began speaking in many different tongues, but everyone present understood the message in his or her own tongue. This can be seen as an undoing of the curse of Babel (Genesis 11), where God confused the languages and divided the people. See http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=babel+pentecost This all seems quite familiar to those of us who listen to the GD. They came from different musical traditions, listened to and played with an even greater diversity of musicians, and turned it all into a musical whole that speaks in different ways to different people. Everyone understands the Dead in their own tongue




Grateful Dead – The Other One   
No Comments
0 Tags

"The Other One" as written by William Kreutzmann and Robert Hall Weir....

Read More...
Edit Wiki





Spanish lady come to me, she lays on me this rose
 It rainbow spirals round and round, it trembles and explodes
 It left a smoking crater of my mind I like to blow away
 But the heat came round and busted me for smiling on a cloudy day

 Coming, coming, coming around
 Coming around, coming around, in a circle
 Coming, coming, coming around
 Coming around, coming around, in a circle

 Escaping through the lily fields, I came across an empty space
 It trembled and exploded, left a bus stop in its place
 The bus came by and I got on, that's when it all began
 There was Cowboy Neal at the wheel of the bus to never ever land

 Coming, coming, coming around
 Coming around, coming around, in a circle
 Coming, coming, coming around
 Coming around, coming around, in a circle

Thursday, March 8, 2018

MISSING CDC MAN

“It is quite agonizing to wait on the news that it’s not our son,” he said. “We’d just like to send our sympathies and condolences to those families.”
While both try to remain positive, the parents have reflected on favorite memories.
For the father, it was in September for his 60th birthday. He had ordered all three of his children — Anterio, Tiara and Tim — join him and their mother in Cabo San Lucas. “I told them: I expect you to be there,” he said.
His middle son was always so busy working, his father feared he would not make it. “But he quickly said, ‘I’m coming.’ ”
It was an all-inclusive resort, and the family indulged in food and revelry. “It was so good to see Tim having so much fun, because he is such a hard worker. Very seldom does he have the time to just let go,” his father said. “It was awesome.”
His mother recalled hiking Stone Mountain with her boy on a Mother’s Day. Near the top of the mountain, the granite slope was slick from rain, and Tia slipped and fell, nearly sliding down the entire slope.
Her son rushed to her. “You scared me, Momma,” he said. “Now, I’m going to have to hold your hand.”
She responded with, “Tim, you don’t want to walk around the park holding your mother’s hand.”
That Mother’s Day, her grown son held her hand the entire way down the mountain.
Now, she longs to hold his hand again.

http://wnep.com/2018/02/27/are-you-awake-parents-share-last-text-from-their-son-missing-cdc-doctor/

IMAGINE THAT

IN THE BE GEN(~EIS)~NING > GOOD~GODS~ >
CREATED "MAN>WOMEN" >
IN JAH IMAGINATION >
"THOUGHT" + THE UNIVERSE
 + + + SPOKE (THE SOUNDS OF WORDS?SWORD WITH NUMBERS CONNECTED TO EACH "SOUND~LETTER" ) EVERYTHING >
INTO EXISTENCE >
& & & BREATHED
SPIRIT~LIFE INTO
ALL LIVING MATTER and
CREATION


96
Step Eleven
“Sought through prayer and meditation to im-
prove our conscious contact with God as we un-
derstood Him, praying only for knowledge of
His will for us and the power to carry that out.”
P
RAYER and meditation are our principal means of con-
scious contact with God.
We A.A.’s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions of
dealing with the realities of life, usually for the fi
rst time in
our lives, and strenuously trying to help the next alcoholic
who comes along. So it isn’t surprising that we often tend
to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not
really necessary. To be sure, we feel it is something that
might help us to meet an occasional emergency, but at fi
rst
many of us are apt to regard it as a somewhat mysteri-
ous skill of clergymen, from which we may hope to get a
secondhand benefi
t. Or perhaps we don’t believe in these
things at all.
To certain newcomers and to those one-time agnostics
who still cling to the A.A. group as their higher power,
claims for the power of prayer may, despite all the logic
and experience in proof of it, still be unconvincing or quite
objectionable. Those of us who once felt this way can cer-
tainly understand and sympathize. We well remember how
something deep inside us kept rebelling against the idea of
bowing before any God. Many of us had strong logic, too,
STEP ELEVEN
97
which “proved” there was no God whatever. What about
all the accidents, sickness, cruelty, and injustice in the
world? What about all those unhappy lives which were the
direct result of unfortunate birth and uncontrollable cir-
cumstances? Surely there could be no justice in this scheme
of things, and therefore no God at all.
Sometimes we took a slightly different tack. Sure, we
said to ourselves, the hen probably did come before the
egg. No doubt the universe had a “fi
rst cause” of some
sort, the God of the Atom, maybe, hot and cold by turns.
But certainly there wasn’t any evidence of a God who
knew or cared about human beings. We liked A.A. all
right, and were quick to say that it had done miracles. But
we recoiled from meditation and prayer as obstinately as
the scientist who refused to perform a certain experiment
lest it prove his pet theory wrong. Of course we fi
nally did
experiment, and when unexpected results followed, we felt
different; in fact we
knew
different; and so we were sold
on meditation and prayer. And that, we have found, can
happen to anybody who tries. It has been well said that
“almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never
tried it enough.”
Those of us who have come to make regular use of
prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse
air, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When we
refuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when we
turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive
our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally
needed support. As the body can fail its purpose for lack
of nourishment, so can the soul. We all need the light of
STEP ELEVEN
98
God’s reality, the nourishment of His strength, and the at-
mosphere of His grace. To an amazing extent the facts of
A.A. life confi
rm this ageless truth.
There is a direct linkage among self-examination, medi-
tation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can
bring much relief and benefi
t. But when they are logically
related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable founda-
tion for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse
of that ultimate reality which is God’s kingdom. And we
will be comforted and assured that our own destiny in that
realm will be secure for so long as we try, however falter-
ingly, to fi
nd and do the will of our own Creator.
As we have seen, self-searching is the means by which we
bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark
and negative side of our natures. It is a step in the develop-
ment of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us
to receive God’s help. Yet it is only a step. We will want to
go further.
We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst
of us, to fl
ower and to grow. Most certainly we shall need
bracing air and an abundance of food. But fi
rst of all we
shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark.
Meditation is our step out into the sun. How, then, shall
we meditate?
The actual experience of meditation and prayer across
the centuries is, of course, immense. The world’s libraries
and places of worship are a treasure trove for all seekers.
It is to be hoped that every A.A. who has a religious con-
nection which emphasizes meditation will return to the
practice of that devotion as never before. But what about
STEP ELEVEN
99
the rest of us who, less fortunate, don’t even know how to
begin?
Well, we might start like this. First let’s look at a really
good prayer. We won’t have far to seek; the great men and
women of all religions have left us a wonderful supply.
Here let us consider one that is a classic.
Its author was a man who for several hundred years now
has been rated as a saint. We won’t be biased or scared
off by that fact, because although he was not an alcoholic
he did, like us, go through the emotional wringer. And as
he came out the other side of that painful experience, this
prayer was his expression of what he could then see, feel,
and wish to become:
“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace—that where
there is hatred, I may bring love—that where there is
wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness—that where
there is discord, I may bring harmony—that where there
is error, I may bring truth—that where there is doubt, I
may bring faith—that where there is despair, I may bring
hope—that where there are shadows, I may bring light—
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant
that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted—
to understand, than to be understood—to love, than to be
loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one fi
nds. It is by for-
giving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens
to Eternal Life. Amen.”
As beginners in meditation, we might now reread this
prayer several times very slowly, savoring every word and
trying to take in the deep meaning of each phrase and idea.
It will help if we can drop all resistance to what our friend
STEP ELEVEN
100
says. For in meditation, debate has no place. We rest qui-
etly with the thoughts of someone who knows, so that we
may experience and learn.
As though lying upon a sunlit beach, let us relax and
breathe deeply of the spiritual atmosphere with which the
grace of this prayer surrounds us. Let us become willing
to partake and be strengthened and lifted up by the sheer
spiritual power, beauty, and love of which these magnifi
-
cent words are the carriers. Let us look now upon the sea
and ponder what its mystery is; and let us lift our eyes to the
far horizon, beyond which we shall seek all those wonders
still unseen.
“Shucks!” says somebody. “This is nonsense. It isn’t
practical.”
When such thoughts break in, we might recall, a little
ruefully, how much store we used to set by imagination as
it tried to create reality out of bottles. Yes, we reveled in
that sort of thinking, didn’t we? And though sober nowa-
days, don’t we often try to do much the same thing? Per-
haps our trouble was not that we used our imagination.
Perhaps the real trouble was our almost total inability
to point imagination toward the right objectives. There’s
nothing the matter with
constructive
imagination; all sound
achievement rests upon it. After all, no man can build a
house until he fi
rst envisions a plan for it. Well, meditation
is like that, too; it helps to envision our spiritual objec-
tive before we try to move toward it. So let’s get back to
that sunlit beach—or to the plains or to the mountains, if
you prefer.
When, by such simple devices, we have placed ourselves
STEP ELEVEN
101
in a mood in which we can focus undisturbed on construc-
tive imagination, we might proceed like this:
Once more we read our prayer, and again try to see what
its inner essence is. We’ll think now about the man who
fi
rst uttered the prayer. First of all, he wanted to become a
“channel.” Then he asked for the grace to bring love, for-
giveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to ev-
ery human being he could.
Next came the expression of an aspiration and a hope
for himself. He hoped, God willing, that he might be able to
fi
nd some of these treasures, too. This he would try to do by
what he called self-forgetting. What did he mean by “self-
forgetting,” and how did he propose to accomplish that?
He thought it better to give comfort than to receive it;
better to understand than to be understood; better to for-
give than to be forgiven.
This much could be a fragment of what is called medita-
tion, perhaps our very fi
rst attempt at a mood, a fl
ier into
the realm of spirit, if you like. It ought to be followed by
a good look at where we stand now, and a further look
at what might happen in our lives were we able to move
closer to the ideal we have been trying to glimpse. Medita-
tion is something which can always be further developed.
It has no boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by
such instruction and example as we can fi
nd, it is essen-
tially an individual adventure, something which each one
of us works out in his own way. But its object is always the
same: to improve our conscious contact with God, with
His grace, wisdom, and love. And let’s always remember
that meditation is in reality intensely practical. One of its
STEP ELEVEN
102
fi
rst fruits is emotional balance. With it we can broaden
and deepen the channel between ourselves and God as we
understand Him.
Now, what of prayer? Prayer is the raising of the heart
and mind to God—and in this sense it includes meditation.
How may we go about it? And how does it fi
t in with medi-
tation? Prayer, as commonly understood, is a petition to
God. Having opened our channel as best we can, we try to
ask for those right things of which we and others are in the
greatest need. And we think that the whole range of our
needs is well defi
ned by that part of Step Eleven which says:
“...knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that
out.” A request for this fi
ts in any part of our day.
In the morning we think of the hours to come. Perhaps
we think of our day’s work and the chances it may afford us
to be useful and helpful, or of some special problem that it
may bring. Possibly today will see a continuation of a seri-
ous and as yet unresolved problem left over from yesterday.
Our immediate temptation will be to ask for specifi
c solu-
tions to specifi
c problems, and for the ability to help other
people as we have already thought they should be helped.
In that case, we are asking God to do it
our
way. Therefore,
we ought to consider each request carefully to see what its
real merit is. Even so, when making specifi
c requests, it will
be well to add to each one of them this qualifi
cation: “...if
it be Thy will.” We ask simply that throughout the day God
place in us the best understanding of His will that we can
have for that day, and that we be given the grace by which
we may carry it out.
As the day goes on, we can pause where situations must
STEP ELEVEN
103
be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request:
“Thy will, not mine, be done.” If at these points our emo-
tional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely
keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to
ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed
to us in our reading or meditation. Just saying it over and
over will often enable us to clear a channel choked up with
anger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit
us to return to the surest help of all—our search for God’s
will, not our own, in the moment of stress. At these criti-
cal moments, if we remind ourselves that “it is better to
comfort than to be comforted, to understand than to be
understood, to love than to be loved,” we will be following
the intent of Step Eleven.
Of course, it is reasonable and understandable that the
question is often asked: “
Why
can’t we take a specifi
c and
troubling dilemma straight to God, and in prayer secure
from Him sure and defi
nite answers to our requests?”
This can be done, but it has hazards. We have seen A.A.’s
ask with much earnestness and faith for God’s explicit
guidance on matters ranging all the way from a shattering
domestic or fi
nancial crisis to correcting a minor personal
fault, like tardiness. Quite often, however, the thoughts
that
seem
to come from God are not answers at all. They
prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rationalizations.
The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run his life rig-
idly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving demand of
God for replies, is a particularly disconcerting individual.
To any questioning or criticism of his actions he instantly
proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance in all matters
STEP ELEVEN
104
great or small. He may have forgotten the possibility that
his own wishful thinking and the human tendency to ratio-
nalize have distorted his so-called guidance. With the best
of intentions, he tends to force his own will into all sorts
of situations and problems with the comfortable assurance
that he is acting under God’s specifi
c direction. Under such
an illusion, he can of course create great havoc without in
the least intending it.
We also fall into another similar temptation. We form
ideas as to what we think God’s will is for other people. We
say to ourselves, “This one ought to be cured of his fatal
malady,” or “That one ought to be relieved of his emotional
pain,” and we pray for these specifi
c things. Such prayers,
of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they are
based upon a supposition that we know God’s will for the
person for whom we pray. This means that side by side
with an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of
presumption and conceit in us. It is A.A.’s experience that
particularly in these cases we ought to pray that God’s will,
whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves.
In A.A. we have found that the actual good results of
prayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowl-
edge and experience. All those who have persisted have
found strength not ordinarily their own. They have found
wisdom beyond their usual capability. And they have in-
creasingly found a peace of mind which can stand fi
rm in
the face of diffi
cult circumstances.
We discover that we do receive guidance for our lives to
just about the extent that we stop making demands upon
God to give it to us on order and on our terms. Almost
STEP ELEVEN
105
any experienced A.A. will tell how his affairs have taken
remarkable and unexpected turns for the better as he tried
to improve his conscious contact with God. He will also
report that out of every season of grief or suffering, when
the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons
for living were learned, new resources of courage were un-
covered, and that fi
nally, inescapably, the conviction came
that God
does
“move in a mysterious way His wonders
to perform.”
All this should be very encouraging news for those who
recoil from prayer because they don’t believe in it, or be-
cause they feel themselves cut off from God’s help and di-
rection. All of us, without exception, pass through times
when we can pray only with the greatest exertion of will.
Occasionally we go even further than this. We are seized
with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won’t pray.
When these things happen we should not think too ill of
ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we
can, doing what we know to be good for us.
Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and
prayer is the sense of
belonging
that comes to us. We no
longer live in a completely hostile world. We are no longer
lost and frightened and purposeless. The moment we catch
even a glimpse of God’s will, the moment we begin to see
truth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life,
we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evi-
dence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human
affairs. We know that God lovingly watches over us. We
know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us,
here and hereafter.